In color.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Hilarity Files
I forgot to include this news story yesterday, which has been making me laugh since I read it.
This is taken from Pat's website: (Link)
HEALTH
Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Shake
Did you know that Pat Robertson can leg-press 2000 pounds! How does he do it?
Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a world-wide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman?
One of Pat's secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.
Discover what kinds of natural ingredients make up Pat's protein shake by registering for your FREE booklet today!
And this is taken from a response, written by a sports columnist named Clay Travis, on CBS Sports Line: (Link)
Three things:
1. I am going to drink this protein shake of his and try to leg press a Mazda Miata with three clowns sitting inside.
2. There is no way on earth Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. That would mean a 76-year-old man broke the all-time Florida State University leg press record by 665 pounds over Dan Kendra. 665 pounds. Further, when he set the record, they had to modify the leg press machine to fit 1,335 pounds of weight. Plus, Kendra's capillaries in his eyes burst. Burst. Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time? And how does he still have vision?
3. It's rare the ClayNation Guarantee makes an appearance, but here, it is justified. There is no way Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. Period. If he can, I will box a round against Andrew Golota without wearing a jockstrap. After about 20 minutes on Robertson's Web site, I managed to find a way to send an e-mail without having to give my credit card information. Here was the text:
"I would like to interview Pat Robertson about his leg-press workout and protein shake. If possible, I would like to accompany Pat on his workout where I could help him stack on the 44 different 45-pound plates he would need to attach to leg press 2,000 pounds. By my calculations, his leg press of 2,000 pounds requires 22 forty-fives and one ten-pounder on each side."
I particularly like the bit of the Mazda Miata with the three clowns inside. And the poor use of punctuation in the bit from Pat's website. (Hint to you, Pat: When writing a question, you should end the sentence with a question mark, no matter how ridiculous the question posed might be.)
This is taken from Pat's website: (Link)
HEALTH
Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Shake
Did you know that Pat Robertson can leg-press 2000 pounds! How does he do it?
Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a world-wide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman?
One of Pat's secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.
Discover what kinds of natural ingredients make up Pat's protein shake by registering for your FREE booklet today!
And this is taken from a response, written by a sports columnist named Clay Travis, on CBS Sports Line: (Link)
Three things:
1. I am going to drink this protein shake of his and try to leg press a Mazda Miata with three clowns sitting inside.
2. There is no way on earth Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. That would mean a 76-year-old man broke the all-time Florida State University leg press record by 665 pounds over Dan Kendra. 665 pounds. Further, when he set the record, they had to modify the leg press machine to fit 1,335 pounds of weight. Plus, Kendra's capillaries in his eyes burst. Burst. Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time? And how does he still have vision?
3. It's rare the ClayNation Guarantee makes an appearance, but here, it is justified. There is no way Robertson leg presses 2,000 pounds. Period. If he can, I will box a round against Andrew Golota without wearing a jockstrap. After about 20 minutes on Robertson's Web site, I managed to find a way to send an e-mail without having to give my credit card information. Here was the text:
"I would like to interview Pat Robertson about his leg-press workout and protein shake. If possible, I would like to accompany Pat on his workout where I could help him stack on the 44 different 45-pound plates he would need to attach to leg press 2,000 pounds. By my calculations, his leg press of 2,000 pounds requires 22 forty-fives and one ten-pounder on each side."
I particularly like the bit of the Mazda Miata with the three clowns inside. And the poor use of punctuation in the bit from Pat's website. (Hint to you, Pat: When writing a question, you should end the sentence with a question mark, no matter how ridiculous the question posed might be.)
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Gnu in the News
Here are the news stories I'm thinking about this week:
Mary Cheney on Dave Letterman
While I am fiercely Democrat, I respect people's opinions when they are well-informed. Well, most of the time. It's hard for me to justify anyone voting for this administration in the last election, but that's because I can't see anything good that's come out of it. It's also because I am firmly against having someone in the White House who wants to write discrimination into the Constitution, and who, despite what he says, does not believe in the whole separation of church and state. To me, the two most important fundamentals of this country are 1. Freedom of Speech. 2. Separation of Church and State. The rest is gravy, baby.
I chuckle slightly when people say that George Bush was the man for the job because our national security was/is the most important issue. Just so everyone knows, no matter who won the election, national security would've been an important issue. No one wants Americans to be harmed. Whatever. What's done is done, I guess.
But this... this interview with Mary Cheney on The Late Show w/ Letterman... this incensed me. David Letterman has a lot of great things to say here, and all Mary Cheney can say is, "I talk about this in my book." It's too late, Mary. Vote for your dad, that's fine. But you had a chance to make a difference, and you didn't. You're a coward.
See for yourself here.
Religious Folks for Gays!
Thank you, mainline Protestant and Jewish organizations! Thank you for standing up against discrimination. This is what I'm talking about when I tell people not all Christians are crazy and mean.
Clergy Group Aims to Block Gay Marriage Amendment
The Lesser of Two Evils
Please get rid of this guy, PA folks:
Rick Santorum is not cool.
He's actually kind of archaic and ridiculous.
I'm not alone in my thoughts on this guy.
I read an article in November in the New Yorker about the best chance to beat Santorum - Bob Casey, who has since won the primary in PA. I looked up the article to link here, and interestingly, I found it on a website called "Catholics For Free Choice." See? I told you not all Christians are crazy.
The thing about this Casey guy, he's pro-life. But man... it's really imperative Rick Santorum get defeated, mainly because he's so full of hatred and ignorance. Read the New Yorker article here about Bob Casey.
That's it for now. These are the stories I'm thinking about.
Mary Cheney on Dave Letterman
While I am fiercely Democrat, I respect people's opinions when they are well-informed. Well, most of the time. It's hard for me to justify anyone voting for this administration in the last election, but that's because I can't see anything good that's come out of it. It's also because I am firmly against having someone in the White House who wants to write discrimination into the Constitution, and who, despite what he says, does not believe in the whole separation of church and state. To me, the two most important fundamentals of this country are 1. Freedom of Speech. 2. Separation of Church and State. The rest is gravy, baby.
I chuckle slightly when people say that George Bush was the man for the job because our national security was/is the most important issue. Just so everyone knows, no matter who won the election, national security would've been an important issue. No one wants Americans to be harmed. Whatever. What's done is done, I guess.
But this... this interview with Mary Cheney on The Late Show w/ Letterman... this incensed me. David Letterman has a lot of great things to say here, and all Mary Cheney can say is, "I talk about this in my book." It's too late, Mary. Vote for your dad, that's fine. But you had a chance to make a difference, and you didn't. You're a coward.
See for yourself here.
Religious Folks for Gays!
Thank you, mainline Protestant and Jewish organizations! Thank you for standing up against discrimination. This is what I'm talking about when I tell people not all Christians are crazy and mean.
Clergy Group Aims to Block Gay Marriage Amendment
The Lesser of Two Evils
Please get rid of this guy, PA folks:
Rick Santorum is not cool.
He's actually kind of archaic and ridiculous.
I'm not alone in my thoughts on this guy.
I read an article in November in the New Yorker about the best chance to beat Santorum - Bob Casey, who has since won the primary in PA. I looked up the article to link here, and interestingly, I found it on a website called "Catholics For Free Choice." See? I told you not all Christians are crazy.
The thing about this Casey guy, he's pro-life. But man... it's really imperative Rick Santorum get defeated, mainly because he's so full of hatred and ignorance. Read the New Yorker article here about Bob Casey.
That's it for now. These are the stories I'm thinking about.
Friday, May 19, 2006
I used to not even WATCH this stuff.
I went through a phase lasting about 2 years where I watched maybe 3 hours of TV a month.
That has changed, and watching good shows has become one of mine and Gina's favorite things to do. With it being the season finale season, I thought I'd just give you a few thoughts I have about some of the shows we watch. Careful of spoilers.
1. Gilmore Girls - Amy Sherman Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the main creative forces behind the Gilmore Girls, are leaving the show this season. Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel still have one year left on their contract, so next year will probably be the last season of this charmingly funny, smart show. I'm happy the show is continuing, although I'm worried no one will be able to harness the brilliance of this show as well as Amy and Daniel. Good season finale, with Lorelai essentially flippin' the bird to curmudgeon Luke, who I used to be a fan of, but now he's just annoying me with his, "I'm not ready to get married." It's Lorelai, folks! She's hot! I'd actually much rather see her with Christopher - Rory's dad. He's cuter, and he's much funnier, with a sense of humor very similar to her own.
2. Will & Grace - I remember back in 1998 when this show premiered. I was consistently floored by how funny it was. Every joke made me laugh out loud. I watched every episode with my roommate at the time - it was our favorite show. However, right around 2002-ish, the show started getting... well... boring. And Debra Messing obviously became too close to the actors she was working with, because she cannot get through a scene without cracking a smile. She anticipates the laughter of the audience, and you can see it in her face, and it drives me NUTS. The series finale last night was a huge snooze fest. They did this great hour long special on it where they showed the funniest moments of the show - that was hilarious. But the actual hour long finale was painful and boring, with not even an emotional curtain call for our troubles. Good riddance, I say. Although it is sad that such a groundbreaking show is off the air. A leading gay character is a big deal.
3. LOST - Oh MAN, I love this show. My whole week is built around this show. Friday doesn't mean the start of the weekend... it means one day closer to Wednesday. This past week's episode was kind of disappointing, because we didn't really get any more information than what we already suspected about wacky Michael. It was obvious he was either brainwashed or being bribed, and so the "payoff" of seeing what really happened when Michael went off to the Others' camp was not much of a payoff at all.
Things that still annoy me about the show:
*These folks would have such an easier time on this island if they would COMMUNICATE with each other. They are so island crazy that they think they have to keep stupid secrets from one another. I suppose without this character flaw that every one of them has, there wouldn't really be a show.
*The button - why is it called a button? Why is it called, "pushing the button," when in reality, it's entering a series of numbers and then hitting the "execute" or "enter" key to input the numbers?
*Can't think of ANY BETTER NAME for the other people on the island than "the Others"? It's tacky. Still - can't WAIT for next week's season finale. Looks crazy good - and two hours of it! YESS!
*"The Lost Experience," the interactive website game related to the show, reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie gets his decoder pin in the mail and the secret code is "Drink your ovaltene."
4. ER - I know what you're thinking. "ER's still on? Who the hell is still watching it??" Well the answer is ME AND GINA. I started watching ER in 2000, way later than everyone else. ER disappoints me a lot, because every single episode is touted as "THIS IS THE REASON YOU WATCH ER," and really, the reason I watch ER is Maura Tierney, so unless the episode is of her naked the whole time, it's not going to be "THE REASON I WATCH ER." But... last night's episode... beyond "Lost," last night's ER was the best hour of television I've seen in a long time. Cliffhangers with almost every character:
-Abby: Did she lose the baby?
-Kovach (who I hate): Will someone find him? He totally can't breathe well and he's strapped to the bed. Oh, and is he gonna lose his job?
-Jerry: Is he gonna die?!?!?!
-Sam and Alex: High speed chase!! OMG**! Scary!
-Kerry: Is she screwed? At least she can walk now.
-Neela: Will she and stupid Ray hook up now that they killed off Gallant (totally cried during that episode)? Will she FINALLY MAKE OUT WITH ABBY?!
And the shooting scene was SO well shot, so interesting, so tense, amazing, scary. It's hard for me to get that sucked into a show. I hate when shows give away all of their secrets in the preview for the episode. I knew there would be a shooting, but I had no idea it would be by way of infiltration through the dumb EMT wannabe who claims someone's blood pressure is "34 over 28." Even this TV producer knows that's not right.
So basically, the two shows that I will be agonizing over all summer are Lost and ER, and I haven't been this sucked into cliffhanger TV finales since the early seasons of Friends.
The good news: Gina and I are latecomers to Weeds, the amazing show on Showtime starring Golden Globe winner Mary Louise I'M TOTALLY HOT Parker. The season finale of that was amazing, and we just saw it a few weeks ago. I think the new season starts on July 17. NIICE.
And... we've decided that we're going to make two shows our summer shows: Grey's Anatomy, which I've never seen, and Sopranos, which neither of us have ever seen.
Seriously though... is it September yet?
**"OMG" is an acronym I use with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I'm not a big fan of online acronyms, but I feel that they've around long enough that it's funny to make fun of them. Also, I've probably been reading too much of Pink is the New Blog.
That has changed, and watching good shows has become one of mine and Gina's favorite things to do. With it being the season finale season, I thought I'd just give you a few thoughts I have about some of the shows we watch. Careful of spoilers.
1. Gilmore Girls - Amy Sherman Palladino and Daniel Palladino, the main creative forces behind the Gilmore Girls, are leaving the show this season. Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel still have one year left on their contract, so next year will probably be the last season of this charmingly funny, smart show. I'm happy the show is continuing, although I'm worried no one will be able to harness the brilliance of this show as well as Amy and Daniel. Good season finale, with Lorelai essentially flippin' the bird to curmudgeon Luke, who I used to be a fan of, but now he's just annoying me with his, "I'm not ready to get married." It's Lorelai, folks! She's hot! I'd actually much rather see her with Christopher - Rory's dad. He's cuter, and he's much funnier, with a sense of humor very similar to her own.
2. Will & Grace - I remember back in 1998 when this show premiered. I was consistently floored by how funny it was. Every joke made me laugh out loud. I watched every episode with my roommate at the time - it was our favorite show. However, right around 2002-ish, the show started getting... well... boring. And Debra Messing obviously became too close to the actors she was working with, because she cannot get through a scene without cracking a smile. She anticipates the laughter of the audience, and you can see it in her face, and it drives me NUTS. The series finale last night was a huge snooze fest. They did this great hour long special on it where they showed the funniest moments of the show - that was hilarious. But the actual hour long finale was painful and boring, with not even an emotional curtain call for our troubles. Good riddance, I say. Although it is sad that such a groundbreaking show is off the air. A leading gay character is a big deal.
3. LOST - Oh MAN, I love this show. My whole week is built around this show. Friday doesn't mean the start of the weekend... it means one day closer to Wednesday. This past week's episode was kind of disappointing, because we didn't really get any more information than what we already suspected about wacky Michael. It was obvious he was either brainwashed or being bribed, and so the "payoff" of seeing what really happened when Michael went off to the Others' camp was not much of a payoff at all.
Things that still annoy me about the show:
*These folks would have such an easier time on this island if they would COMMUNICATE with each other. They are so island crazy that they think they have to keep stupid secrets from one another. I suppose without this character flaw that every one of them has, there wouldn't really be a show.
*The button - why is it called a button? Why is it called, "pushing the button," when in reality, it's entering a series of numbers and then hitting the "execute" or "enter" key to input the numbers?
*Can't think of ANY BETTER NAME for the other people on the island than "the Others"? It's tacky. Still - can't WAIT for next week's season finale. Looks crazy good - and two hours of it! YESS!
*"The Lost Experience," the interactive website game related to the show, reminds me of that scene in A Christmas Story where Ralphie gets his decoder pin in the mail and the secret code is "Drink your ovaltene."
4. ER - I know what you're thinking. "ER's still on? Who the hell is still watching it??" Well the answer is ME AND GINA. I started watching ER in 2000, way later than everyone else. ER disappoints me a lot, because every single episode is touted as "THIS IS THE REASON YOU WATCH ER," and really, the reason I watch ER is Maura Tierney, so unless the episode is of her naked the whole time, it's not going to be "THE REASON I WATCH ER." But... last night's episode... beyond "Lost," last night's ER was the best hour of television I've seen in a long time. Cliffhangers with almost every character:
-Abby: Did she lose the baby?
-Kovach (who I hate): Will someone find him? He totally can't breathe well and he's strapped to the bed. Oh, and is he gonna lose his job?
-Jerry: Is he gonna die?!?!?!
-Sam and Alex: High speed chase!! OMG**! Scary!
-Kerry: Is she screwed? At least she can walk now.
-Neela: Will she and stupid Ray hook up now that they killed off Gallant (totally cried during that episode)? Will she FINALLY MAKE OUT WITH ABBY?!
And the shooting scene was SO well shot, so interesting, so tense, amazing, scary. It's hard for me to get that sucked into a show. I hate when shows give away all of their secrets in the preview for the episode. I knew there would be a shooting, but I had no idea it would be by way of infiltration through the dumb EMT wannabe who claims someone's blood pressure is "34 over 28." Even this TV producer knows that's not right.
So basically, the two shows that I will be agonizing over all summer are Lost and ER, and I haven't been this sucked into cliffhanger TV finales since the early seasons of Friends.
The good news: Gina and I are latecomers to Weeds, the amazing show on Showtime starring Golden Globe winner Mary Louise I'M TOTALLY HOT Parker. The season finale of that was amazing, and we just saw it a few weeks ago. I think the new season starts on July 17. NIICE.
And... we've decided that we're going to make two shows our summer shows: Grey's Anatomy, which I've never seen, and Sopranos, which neither of us have ever seen.
Seriously though... is it September yet?
**"OMG" is an acronym I use with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. I'm not a big fan of online acronyms, but I feel that they've around long enough that it's funny to make fun of them. Also, I've probably been reading too much of Pink is the New Blog.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Disneyland - Funniest place on earth.
As Gina and I were on our way to Disneyland on Saturday, we were discussing how we've never been at any sort of theme park with each other. And then we realized that wasn't true - in 1994, we both went on a marching band field trip to Walt Disney World for a week. However, seeing as our relationship was that of small dog following big dog around hopelessly, we didn't really see much of each other, except when we actually marched in the parade together. So we were comfortable in naming this Disneyland trip in 2006 as our first actual field trip to an amusement park together. For this, we were excited.
Whenever there is a moderate amount of stress in my life, my body responds by not allowing me to sleep well. I woke up at 6:30 Saturday morning, for no reason at all. I ran some errands, and by the time we were heading out of town to go to Disney, it was 12:00pm. We arrived at 1, anxious to start the day, excited, a clean slate of amusement park fun between the two of us.
We decided it was our job to take a bunch of pictures. We started right away.
Happy 50th Anniversary, Disneyland!
This is all flowers. Even the Mickey is flowers. Neato!
Inspiration! "It all started with a mouse." How sweet.
Waiting in line for the Matterhorn. As we stood in line, Gina took note of my shoulders and insisted we find some sunscreen. Luckily, a guy in front of us had some Mary Kay sunscreen that he swore by. He shared. We were happy.
We were very sad to find out that there is absolutely NO DANCING at Disneyland.
Bummer.
And then, about 3pm, something happened. I'm not sure if it was the adrenaline rush and subsequent crash, the heat, or sheer exhaustion, but the two of us got.. well... slappy. As evidenced in the following photos.
Someone in front of us smelled... really terrible.
We stayed for the fireworks, which, if the truth were to be told here and now, was the main reason I wanted to go to Disneyland in the first place. I remembered that my camera has a fireworks option, so I started experimenting. Some shots came out pretty well (framing not withstanding), like this shot of a Mickey Mouse head.
Other times, it sort of looked like Operation Shock and Awe.
And, to top it off, after much time spent deciding on which fun Disney hats/ears to buy, we went with the obvious choice:
Who says gays can't get married?!
Whenever there is a moderate amount of stress in my life, my body responds by not allowing me to sleep well. I woke up at 6:30 Saturday morning, for no reason at all. I ran some errands, and by the time we were heading out of town to go to Disney, it was 12:00pm. We arrived at 1, anxious to start the day, excited, a clean slate of amusement park fun between the two of us.
We decided it was our job to take a bunch of pictures. We started right away.
Happy 50th Anniversary, Disneyland!
This is all flowers. Even the Mickey is flowers. Neato!
Inspiration! "It all started with a mouse." How sweet.
Waiting in line for the Matterhorn. As we stood in line, Gina took note of my shoulders and insisted we find some sunscreen. Luckily, a guy in front of us had some Mary Kay sunscreen that he swore by. He shared. We were happy.
We were very sad to find out that there is absolutely NO DANCING at Disneyland.
Bummer.
And then, about 3pm, something happened. I'm not sure if it was the adrenaline rush and subsequent crash, the heat, or sheer exhaustion, but the two of us got.. well... slappy. As evidenced in the following photos.
Someone in front of us smelled... really terrible.
We stayed for the fireworks, which, if the truth were to be told here and now, was the main reason I wanted to go to Disneyland in the first place. I remembered that my camera has a fireworks option, so I started experimenting. Some shots came out pretty well (framing not withstanding), like this shot of a Mickey Mouse head.
Other times, it sort of looked like Operation Shock and Awe.
And, to top it off, after much time spent deciding on which fun Disney hats/ears to buy, we went with the obvious choice:
Who says gays can't get married?!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Circle
I've been a little... off the past couple days.
On a little scrap of paper at my desk is evidence of this. I had to divide $5507.60 by 3. So I did it long hand. On paper. Even though I work on a computer that has a calculator, I decided I needed a little long division.
Help.
On a little scrap of paper at my desk is evidence of this. I had to divide $5507.60 by 3. So I did it long hand. On paper. Even though I work on a computer that has a calculator, I decided I needed a little long division.
Help.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Adventures in Communications
Here now, for you, dear reader, is a chronicling of my adventures trying to get internet for my apartment.
Last week:
SBC says:
You need to order phone service. $10.69 a month for basic.
Wireless internet: $19.99 per month for one year
$79.99 charge for modem
$49.99 rebate
$50 Visa gift card
Woo hoo! This is going better than I thought. Better check with Gina to make sure we're cool with this.
Call back SBC this week.
SBC says:
No, you can't get the $50 Visa gift card unless you're switching over from another phone company. But everything else is the same. No, I'm sorry, we have no way of contacting Aleysha, who told you you could get that deal. No, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. You don't want to give us your money? Okay then, we don't care if we lose a customer.
Call Earthlink.
Earthlink says:
You need a phone line.
Call Comcast. Get phone line advertised in my cable bills for $10.00 per month. Comcast puts me through their 3rd party verification system. Fails. I call back. Fails. I call back. Fails. I call back. She puts me through to a live operator. The live operator says, okay, you have to call Comcast back and confirm. Call Comcast back, ask what will my service be, exactly? $17.64 a month. $17.64??? What happened to $10.00?! Oh, there are taxes and a LINE MAINTENANCE FEE. Sigh.
Call Earthlink.
Earthlink says:
Oh, we can't give you DSL, but how about dial-up? (Akin to saying, Oh, sorry, we're fresh out of CD players, but how about this cassette deck?)
Call SBC, again, just like Justine said I would do. I ask what the deals are, I say I'm a Comcast customer. Homeboy offers me the whole gift card package, but this time, I have to have the enhanced phone service, including long distance, CALLER ID, call waiting, etc. If I don't have that? Internet is $39.00 a month. I do not NEED long distance, caller ID or call waiting. I need a phone line to hook me up to an internet, and so that people can dial us from the entrance to our apartment and we can let them in. I say to the guy, "Your company is crazy, I've gotten three different offers from you this week alone..." He hangs up on me.
That's right. A salesperson. Hung up on me.
It's becoming crystal clear to me that there is no way around paying out the ass to have internet in our apartment, unless we want dial-up.
I call Comcast back, effectively laying my hands wrist up towards them, telling them to just give me the fucking cable internet. How much is it? $39.99 per month. That's the DISCOUNTED rate! They don't even OFFER DSL! How much is my cable, which Comcast also provides? $84.55 per month.
The kicker? I ordered a phone mainly for internet. And now? I don't need a phone for cable internet.
I hate it here.
Last week:
SBC says:
You need to order phone service. $10.69 a month for basic.
Wireless internet: $19.99 per month for one year
$79.99 charge for modem
$49.99 rebate
$50 Visa gift card
Woo hoo! This is going better than I thought. Better check with Gina to make sure we're cool with this.
Call back SBC this week.
SBC says:
No, you can't get the $50 Visa gift card unless you're switching over from another phone company. But everything else is the same. No, I'm sorry, we have no way of contacting Aleysha, who told you you could get that deal. No, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. You don't want to give us your money? Okay then, we don't care if we lose a customer.
Call Earthlink.
Earthlink says:
You need a phone line.
Call Comcast. Get phone line advertised in my cable bills for $10.00 per month. Comcast puts me through their 3rd party verification system. Fails. I call back. Fails. I call back. Fails. I call back. She puts me through to a live operator. The live operator says, okay, you have to call Comcast back and confirm. Call Comcast back, ask what will my service be, exactly? $17.64 a month. $17.64??? What happened to $10.00?! Oh, there are taxes and a LINE MAINTENANCE FEE. Sigh.
Call Earthlink.
Earthlink says:
Oh, we can't give you DSL, but how about dial-up? (Akin to saying, Oh, sorry, we're fresh out of CD players, but how about this cassette deck?)
Call SBC, again, just like Justine said I would do. I ask what the deals are, I say I'm a Comcast customer. Homeboy offers me the whole gift card package, but this time, I have to have the enhanced phone service, including long distance, CALLER ID, call waiting, etc. If I don't have that? Internet is $39.00 a month. I do not NEED long distance, caller ID or call waiting. I need a phone line to hook me up to an internet, and so that people can dial us from the entrance to our apartment and we can let them in. I say to the guy, "Your company is crazy, I've gotten three different offers from you this week alone..." He hangs up on me.
That's right. A salesperson. Hung up on me.
It's becoming crystal clear to me that there is no way around paying out the ass to have internet in our apartment, unless we want dial-up.
I call Comcast back, effectively laying my hands wrist up towards them, telling them to just give me the fucking cable internet. How much is it? $39.99 per month. That's the DISCOUNTED rate! They don't even OFFER DSL! How much is my cable, which Comcast also provides? $84.55 per month.
The kicker? I ordered a phone mainly for internet. And now? I don't need a phone for cable internet.
I hate it here.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Weekend Update
Every day here has been the same. Marine layer, marine layer, marine layer. For those of you who don't know what a marine layer is, it's a thick layer of clouds caused by the massive body of water known as the Pacific Ocean. Well, we've been having a heavy case of marine layer in all of Los Angeles, and a lot of us are not lucky enough to live by the water, thereby we are experiencing the shitty marine layer, missing out on the sunshine, all while NOT having the benefit of being withing walking distance of the ocean.
My skin finally got to see the sun this weekend, and I paid for it all day yesterday as heat radiated from my body. We were in the bay area... again... this time for a wedding. Here are some things I learned, in pictures.
Most of the time, smoking is disgusting.
Sometimes, it's hot.
(She rolls her own cigarettes, folks. That's tobacco in there, nothing more.)
Above all, I seriously have the cutest cowgirl in the west. I don't know how I got so lucky.
This baby gets cuter every day, and actually grew noticeably in the week we didn't see him.
The wedding was held at a winery. Not only do wineries have WINE (and lots of it!), they're actually really beautiful.
We love wineries. And sunshine.
And finally, if all goes according to plan, this is what my future looks like:
I can't wait.
My skin finally got to see the sun this weekend, and I paid for it all day yesterday as heat radiated from my body. We were in the bay area... again... this time for a wedding. Here are some things I learned, in pictures.
Most of the time, smoking is disgusting.
Sometimes, it's hot.
(She rolls her own cigarettes, folks. That's tobacco in there, nothing more.)
Above all, I seriously have the cutest cowgirl in the west. I don't know how I got so lucky.
This baby gets cuter every day, and actually grew noticeably in the week we didn't see him.
The wedding was held at a winery. Not only do wineries have WINE (and lots of it!), they're actually really beautiful.
We love wineries. And sunshine.
And finally, if all goes according to plan, this is what my future looks like:
I can't wait.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Corporate America can kiss my ass.
I'm dumbfounded at the ability of big communication companies to incense me. I had a huge problem with Comcast about a year ago. And now, I'm trying to order internet for the apartment, and AT&T/SBC has effectively made me not want to ever give them any of my money. The problem? If I want wireless internet, they're the only company in my area that can give it to me. This is why they can treat people the way they do, because people like me have no other choice.
Seriously. Me = furious.
Seriously. Me = furious.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Giovanni takes LA.
Gina's brother and sister-in-law brought the little peanut down for a visit this past weekend.
This is actually his hair. It does not lay to flat to his head. It always looks like this. He is saying to me, "Oh, lady... I have to drink to make you bearable."
He really liked chilling out on our heaven bed. He must take after Gina.
This is actually his hair. It does not lay to flat to his head. It always looks like this. He is saying to me, "Oh, lady... I have to drink to make you bearable."
He really liked chilling out on our heaven bed. He must take after Gina.
Monday, May 01, 2006
What it feels like to be real.
For regular readers of this blog, you might remember that with Gina's help, I realized my headlight was out on my car. The light went out in the beginning of March. Replacing the light has been on my to-do list for nearly eight weeks now, but there was always something else going on, some dog to watch, some tequila to drink.
After a party where Gina and I got home at 4:30 in the morning Sunday, we woke up and went to the Farmer's Market. After the market, I asked Gina if she'd help me go to the auto parts store to get my car taken care of. I should note that by this point, not only was my right headlight out, but my left front turn signal was not working, nor were my daytime running lights.
As a lesbian and sort of a stubborn person in general, I like to think I don't need anyone's help for anything. Except killing bugs. But changing a simple lamp in an American made car, I was certain it would be easy. I've changed my rear turn signals on several occasions and without any incident. Little did I know, this was different.
Vastly different.
The gentleman in Pep Boys insisted it would be easy, that I would just have to pop the headlight out and replace the bulb. No big deal. I popped the hood, and Gina and I took a little look-see. The directions told us to use a flat head screwdriver to pop out the plastic shield running the width of the front of the car. We didn't have a flat head screwdriver, of course. So Gina forced it off, breaking all but two little plastic fasteners, despite the warning in the manual: Be careful not to break the plastic fasteners. This took us about 15 minutes to get the shield off.
We looked at the next step: using a 13 mm socket wrench, unscrew the bolts...
A socket wrench? To change a headlight? Sure enough, there were two very tightly screwed in bolts keeping us from getting to the meat of the headlight. Foolishly, we tested the strength of the bolts (and ourselves) by trying to unscrew them by hand. This less than 12 hours after Gina tried to open a NOT twist off beer bottle with her bare hands... it wasn't healthy for either one of us. But our hands were getting dirty, so we thought we were getting somewhere. We also collectively thought that if we just stared at the guts of my car, something would hit us, some divine moment of inspiration, a way to unscrew these bolts without any proper tools.
After about 15 minutes of unproductive staring, a young guy probably in his mid-20s came over to us. I knew what he was thinking. "Here are two girls, one of which is taller than me and maybe even stronger, obviously not knowing how to do what they need to do. If I assume they want my help, they might kick my ass. But it looks like the actually do need help, so how should I approach this?"
He came over to us and hesitantly said, "What are you trying to do?"
I said, "Replace a headlight..."
And Gina said, "...but we don't have the tools we need."
He asked us what we needed and when we told him, he nodded and went back to his truck. He was back within a few minutes with some tools, and then asked softly, "Um... do you want some help with this? I might be able to help out."
He then told us, "One time, a buddy of mine, a male friend, he came with me here to replace my windshield wipers. Well, we tried and tried but couldn't figure out how to do it. We tried everything we could think of. Finally, a woman came over and said, 'Uh, do you guys need some help?' And she came over and snapped on the wiper, and told us how it's done."
We let him loose under the hood of my car. This boy, who probably has tinkered with his car every weekend for the past 15 years, shoved his hands in every nook and cranny he could, trying to pop out the headlight. After about seven minutes with no luck, I couldn't help but notice he had cut his hand on my car, trying to force out the fucking light. After another five minutes or so, he finally got the thing out, replaced the bulb, and moved to the other side of the car to replace the turn signal. Another 15 minutes of molesting the headlight and it finally pops out, and the new bulb is plugged firmly into place. We thanked him and he left, and I drove away in a car with two working headlights, two working turn signals, and convenient and safe daytime running lights.
It's amazing how something as simple as replacing your headlight can make you feel like a real person, and also remind you of the importance of karma.
After a party where Gina and I got home at 4:30 in the morning Sunday, we woke up and went to the Farmer's Market. After the market, I asked Gina if she'd help me go to the auto parts store to get my car taken care of. I should note that by this point, not only was my right headlight out, but my left front turn signal was not working, nor were my daytime running lights.
As a lesbian and sort of a stubborn person in general, I like to think I don't need anyone's help for anything. Except killing bugs. But changing a simple lamp in an American made car, I was certain it would be easy. I've changed my rear turn signals on several occasions and without any incident. Little did I know, this was different.
Vastly different.
The gentleman in Pep Boys insisted it would be easy, that I would just have to pop the headlight out and replace the bulb. No big deal. I popped the hood, and Gina and I took a little look-see. The directions told us to use a flat head screwdriver to pop out the plastic shield running the width of the front of the car. We didn't have a flat head screwdriver, of course. So Gina forced it off, breaking all but two little plastic fasteners, despite the warning in the manual: Be careful not to break the plastic fasteners. This took us about 15 minutes to get the shield off.
We looked at the next step: using a 13 mm socket wrench, unscrew the bolts...
A socket wrench? To change a headlight? Sure enough, there were two very tightly screwed in bolts keeping us from getting to the meat of the headlight. Foolishly, we tested the strength of the bolts (and ourselves) by trying to unscrew them by hand. This less than 12 hours after Gina tried to open a NOT twist off beer bottle with her bare hands... it wasn't healthy for either one of us. But our hands were getting dirty, so we thought we were getting somewhere. We also collectively thought that if we just stared at the guts of my car, something would hit us, some divine moment of inspiration, a way to unscrew these bolts without any proper tools.
After about 15 minutes of unproductive staring, a young guy probably in his mid-20s came over to us. I knew what he was thinking. "Here are two girls, one of which is taller than me and maybe even stronger, obviously not knowing how to do what they need to do. If I assume they want my help, they might kick my ass. But it looks like the actually do need help, so how should I approach this?"
He came over to us and hesitantly said, "What are you trying to do?"
I said, "Replace a headlight..."
And Gina said, "...but we don't have the tools we need."
He asked us what we needed and when we told him, he nodded and went back to his truck. He was back within a few minutes with some tools, and then asked softly, "Um... do you want some help with this? I might be able to help out."
He then told us, "One time, a buddy of mine, a male friend, he came with me here to replace my windshield wipers. Well, we tried and tried but couldn't figure out how to do it. We tried everything we could think of. Finally, a woman came over and said, 'Uh, do you guys need some help?' And she came over and snapped on the wiper, and told us how it's done."
We let him loose under the hood of my car. This boy, who probably has tinkered with his car every weekend for the past 15 years, shoved his hands in every nook and cranny he could, trying to pop out the headlight. After about seven minutes with no luck, I couldn't help but notice he had cut his hand on my car, trying to force out the fucking light. After another five minutes or so, he finally got the thing out, replaced the bulb, and moved to the other side of the car to replace the turn signal. Another 15 minutes of molesting the headlight and it finally pops out, and the new bulb is plugged firmly into place. We thanked him and he left, and I drove away in a car with two working headlights, two working turn signals, and convenient and safe daytime running lights.
It's amazing how something as simple as replacing your headlight can make you feel like a real person, and also remind you of the importance of karma.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Twenty lives to live.
Okay! Jeez! I'll update! Man oh man.
Friday, 4/21 - Gina and I go separate ways and party with friends. She parties with Courtney, I party with some people from work. After 2 and a half dirty martinis for Gina, and about six glasses of wine for me, we somehow make it home at about 2:30 in the morning. Don't worry, we had a designated driver - Courtney was sober and drove Gina home and picked me up on the way.
Saturday, 4/22 - Scheduled Poppy reserve visit. Guests: Elizabeth & Nate, Lisa & Allyson, Gina & myself. Now, my friend Elizabeth at work promised there'd be poppies as far as the eye could see. We drove to Lancaster to the "Poppy Reserve," and there wasn't a poppy in sight. None. Turns out, poppies are pretty smart flowers and close upon themselves when it's cold, windy, or nighttime. Gina and I were nursing powerful hangovers and sporting flip flops for the 50 degree weather, and we wanted to see some damn poppies! The park ranger told us we could go about four miles down the road to see some poppies, so we went to what we called the Four Mile Away place. It was cold, it was insanely windy, but we did get to see some cool poppies.
I'm telling you: WINDY:
Elizabeth, who is a very cute wife of a very cute husband, and who insists on baking delicious cakes and pies once a week, has earned the nickname Cupcake. Cupcake wasn't so pleased when we kept teasing her about there being no poppies at the Poppy Reserve.
We managed to make it out of the day alive. Gina fell asleep at 7pm that night, and I stayed up, writing. Obviously not for my blog, but for actual money! Yay! Writing for money!
4/23 - Farmer's Market.
Truthfully, these pictures are from when we went to the Farmer's market a couple weeks ago, but whatever.
We also went to a meditation class on Sunday, which was really interesting, except all I kept thinking about was the fact that if I truly get rid of all of the negative energy in my soul, I will cease to be funny. I'd rather be miserable and funny than happy and boring. *shrug* I never said I was a Buddhist.
April 24th started one of the busiest weeks of my life at work, and that, coupled with the writing-for-money thing, has left me little to no "free time."
I have been meaning to post some pics of the dogs we've dog-sat over the past month. We stayed a week at Courtney's place with Sassy and Stanley:
Sassy:
Stanley:
It rained a lot that week, which Stanley did not approve of:
We also dog-sat a little malti-poo named Friday, who we spoiled just as much as their moms do. Friday is an interesting dog and had really interesting toys:
Here's Friday with a stuffed pug:
Here's Friday with a stuffed pig:
And here's Friday with her two weirdest toys, a baby doll and a dead Halloween hand:
Those one in the last photo are seriously her favorite toys. Those and a Cher doll that is kept upstairs in her moms' room.
As far as writing-for-money, I tend to get distracted while working, and I start to take pictures, like these two, taken while sitting at our kitchen table:
Tonight, Frank and Karen bring little Giovanni down for a visit. Then we have a wild party tomorrow night, followed hopefully by the Ashes and Snow exhibit on Sunday.
There you go. An update! I never promised it'd be cohesive...
Friday, 4/21 - Gina and I go separate ways and party with friends. She parties with Courtney, I party with some people from work. After 2 and a half dirty martinis for Gina, and about six glasses of wine for me, we somehow make it home at about 2:30 in the morning. Don't worry, we had a designated driver - Courtney was sober and drove Gina home and picked me up on the way.
Saturday, 4/22 - Scheduled Poppy reserve visit. Guests: Elizabeth & Nate, Lisa & Allyson, Gina & myself. Now, my friend Elizabeth at work promised there'd be poppies as far as the eye could see. We drove to Lancaster to the "Poppy Reserve," and there wasn't a poppy in sight. None. Turns out, poppies are pretty smart flowers and close upon themselves when it's cold, windy, or nighttime. Gina and I were nursing powerful hangovers and sporting flip flops for the 50 degree weather, and we wanted to see some damn poppies! The park ranger told us we could go about four miles down the road to see some poppies, so we went to what we called the Four Mile Away place. It was cold, it was insanely windy, but we did get to see some cool poppies.
I'm telling you: WINDY:
Elizabeth, who is a very cute wife of a very cute husband, and who insists on baking delicious cakes and pies once a week, has earned the nickname Cupcake. Cupcake wasn't so pleased when we kept teasing her about there being no poppies at the Poppy Reserve.
We managed to make it out of the day alive. Gina fell asleep at 7pm that night, and I stayed up, writing. Obviously not for my blog, but for actual money! Yay! Writing for money!
4/23 - Farmer's Market.
Truthfully, these pictures are from when we went to the Farmer's market a couple weeks ago, but whatever.
We also went to a meditation class on Sunday, which was really interesting, except all I kept thinking about was the fact that if I truly get rid of all of the negative energy in my soul, I will cease to be funny. I'd rather be miserable and funny than happy and boring. *shrug* I never said I was a Buddhist.
April 24th started one of the busiest weeks of my life at work, and that, coupled with the writing-for-money thing, has left me little to no "free time."
I have been meaning to post some pics of the dogs we've dog-sat over the past month. We stayed a week at Courtney's place with Sassy and Stanley:
Sassy:
Stanley:
It rained a lot that week, which Stanley did not approve of:
We also dog-sat a little malti-poo named Friday, who we spoiled just as much as their moms do. Friday is an interesting dog and had really interesting toys:
Here's Friday with a stuffed pug:
Here's Friday with a stuffed pig:
And here's Friday with her two weirdest toys, a baby doll and a dead Halloween hand:
Those one in the last photo are seriously her favorite toys. Those and a Cher doll that is kept upstairs in her moms' room.
As far as writing-for-money, I tend to get distracted while working, and I start to take pictures, like these two, taken while sitting at our kitchen table:
Tonight, Frank and Karen bring little Giovanni down for a visit. Then we have a wild party tomorrow night, followed hopefully by the Ashes and Snow exhibit on Sunday.
There you go. An update! I never promised it'd be cohesive...
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Accountability
I remember learning in a psychology class about the tendency of the eldest child in a family to be an over-achiever, a perfectionist, a pleaser. If there is tension in the family, the eldest child will often do everything she can to ease the tension - sometimes, this attempt comes in the form of mediator. The eldest doesn't take sides... she solves the argument. Obviously, this can lead to conflicting thoughts and a lifelong tendency to steer clear of any escalated conflict. Nip it in the bud before there's even time to think about it. A pattern which seems to be emotionally more destructive is one where the eldest gets it into her head that if she's the best she can be, she will provide a necessary distraction to the crumbling of her family. So when she gets something less than an A, she finds other ways to excel. In this instance, she receives so much praise from everyone, no one is bothering to notice there's a problem anywhere. This will be good for her college entrance tests, but down the road, she'll quickly realize she can't solve everything by being good at something. This in turn will make her realize that being good at something might not matter as much as it used to, because who cares? No one's paying attention, and the rewards, if any, are not tangible enough to seek.
My family's interesting because there are essentially two oldest children. My sister Jessie was 9 when I started college. Once I started college, she effectively became the oldest. It's undeniable to anyone that knows Jessie and knows me that she and I have remarkably similar personalities. She's been a mediator her whole life. For whatever reason, Jessie deals with stress better than I ever have. She doesn't worry nearly as much as I do... she's much more calm. Still, she's not someone who will stand idly by while there's a problem. She's more strong-headed than I am, more inclined to argue her point, but when it comes down to it, she doesn't like when people aren't getting along, and she tries to fix it.
And of course, there is my sister Jackie, who is two years younger than Jessie. Her whole life, she has been this brilliant girl, consistently pulling good grades, always interested in learning. There's a contradiction in her life, however, which I imagine must be wholly tumultuous for her. As my mom puts it, she has a "wild streak." And there is no taming it. She's been a constant source of worry for me and my mom, and now for Jessie. She has so much potential, maybe more than Jessie and I combined, but she has no idea how to harness it. She's the one we've all been watching out for, the one we've all banded together to make sure she makes it into adulthood without getting herself into unnecessary trouble. This girl could change the world if she wanted to, and she needs guidance in making that opportunity a possibility.
There has been structural problems in my family for as long as I can remember. I know this is no different from any other family. My parents made the mistake of raising three really smart kids, kids that can only put up with so much bullshit that they dish. It's come to my attention that the structural problems are beyond repair, and that the house will surely fall. And now Jessie finds herself caught in the middle, playing the role of college student, sister, mediator, and now mother to our 17 year old sister. It's a role I played many times for the two of them while I was still living at home, but I had hoped Jessie would be spared that responsibility. Apparently not.
So now, the mediator lives across the country. But I still have the feeling that it's my responsibility to fix everything. Do I move back to Ohio for a year while Jackie finishes school? Unlikely. Do I move Jackie out here so she can finish school here? She'll never go for it. All I can do is make my voice heard, and for the first time, hand off the responsibility of fixing the problem to the only person who has ever been truly able to fix it: my mom.
My family's interesting because there are essentially two oldest children. My sister Jessie was 9 when I started college. Once I started college, she effectively became the oldest. It's undeniable to anyone that knows Jessie and knows me that she and I have remarkably similar personalities. She's been a mediator her whole life. For whatever reason, Jessie deals with stress better than I ever have. She doesn't worry nearly as much as I do... she's much more calm. Still, she's not someone who will stand idly by while there's a problem. She's more strong-headed than I am, more inclined to argue her point, but when it comes down to it, she doesn't like when people aren't getting along, and she tries to fix it.
And of course, there is my sister Jackie, who is two years younger than Jessie. Her whole life, she has been this brilliant girl, consistently pulling good grades, always interested in learning. There's a contradiction in her life, however, which I imagine must be wholly tumultuous for her. As my mom puts it, she has a "wild streak." And there is no taming it. She's been a constant source of worry for me and my mom, and now for Jessie. She has so much potential, maybe more than Jessie and I combined, but she has no idea how to harness it. She's the one we've all been watching out for, the one we've all banded together to make sure she makes it into adulthood without getting herself into unnecessary trouble. This girl could change the world if she wanted to, and she needs guidance in making that opportunity a possibility.
There has been structural problems in my family for as long as I can remember. I know this is no different from any other family. My parents made the mistake of raising three really smart kids, kids that can only put up with so much bullshit that they dish. It's come to my attention that the structural problems are beyond repair, and that the house will surely fall. And now Jessie finds herself caught in the middle, playing the role of college student, sister, mediator, and now mother to our 17 year old sister. It's a role I played many times for the two of them while I was still living at home, but I had hoped Jessie would be spared that responsibility. Apparently not.
So now, the mediator lives across the country. But I still have the feeling that it's my responsibility to fix everything. Do I move back to Ohio for a year while Jackie finishes school? Unlikely. Do I move Jackie out here so she can finish school here? She'll never go for it. All I can do is make my voice heard, and for the first time, hand off the responsibility of fixing the problem to the only person who has ever been truly able to fix it: my mom.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Prodigal
I have a secret.
Well, it's not really a secret, since almost everyone that is close to me knows this about me. But it's largely a secret on this widely-read blog. And that secret is, I used to be super, super religious. And conservative, although I didn't really know what that meant when I touted myself as such. (Conservative in the literal sense of the word, not in the political sense.)
I attended The First Presbyterian Church in Hubbard, Ohio regularly from the time I was about six years old. In high school, I joined a youth group at a Pentecostal (evangelical) church. I was lucky enough to experience two very different denominations of Christianity. They gave me a good balance at the time.
When I stopped ignoring that fact that I'd been having feelings for girls for years, I stopped going to church. Presbyterians don't really shove anything down your throat other than love and respect for your neighbor, and for God. Pentecostals, on the other hand, are very quick to give you a reference list of things that are wrong: abortion, homosexuality, etc. Presbyterians spend a lot of time telling you what you CAN do to worship God: live a good life, volunteer, donate, be respectful, love. Pentecostals spend a lot of time telling you what you CANNOT do if you intend to worship God: no premarital sex, no homosexual feelings, no masturbation, etc, etc. Of course, I didn't realize the vast differences between the churches at the time. At the time, all I could think of was that I was gay, and being gay is wrong, and therefore, I'm not welcome at church. Any church.
As I've gotten older, and have become more open to learning about other religions and other faiths, church has become a completely different experience for me. I guess you could say I've become more spiritual than religious. This has allowed my church-going experience to change from obligation to privilege. When I go to church now, I'm flooded with emotion; my spirituality washes over me. Everything about church makes me feel something, and usually I spend the first half of the service with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This started happening after I'd been away from church for a long time, and went to the 1st Presbyterian Church of Hollywood for the first time on an Easter Sunday five years ago. Since then, church has always had this affect on me. Every time I'm in a church: for a wedding, for a baptism, for just a regular service. I'm consistently overwhelmed. I have had trouble explaining this. Was it simply nostalgia? Was I reminded of my life as a church-going kid? Or was it God, happy to have me back if only for an hour once a year?
Gina and I went to church on Easter this year, and I realized why I keep coming back to this faith that my intellectual mind tells me is so improbable. I realized why it's emotional for me. It's definitely part nostalgia, thinking about everything that Easter used to be: frilly dresses, white gloves, the Easter bunny, finding hidden Easter baskets, dyeing Easter eggs, going on Easter egg hunts. More likely, it's the memory of what it felt like to actually have a relationship with God. No matter how unhappy I was in school or home, I had a constant relationship with God, one where I trusted Him to steer me in the right direction, to keep me and my family safe. It's a very crude comparison to make, but it's like going back to an ex you know you're still in love with. It's an undeniable and familiar comfort, and it's overwhelming.
But above all of this, it's the recognition and remembrance that, at it's core, Christianity is a religion of love. There is nothing more important to the fundamental beliefs of a true Christian than love. This gets lost all too often in so many sects of Christianity, but this past Sunday, when I walked into that church, that's all I could feel was love. I didn't feel judged or exiled. Instead I felt welcomed and appreciated.
All of this led to a feeling of home that is sometimes hard to find in a city that never stops to let you breathe. And I think this is the purpose of all of the great religions, to give you a sense of love, a sense of self, a sense of perspective, and a sense of home.
Well, it's not really a secret, since almost everyone that is close to me knows this about me. But it's largely a secret on this widely-read blog. And that secret is, I used to be super, super religious. And conservative, although I didn't really know what that meant when I touted myself as such. (Conservative in the literal sense of the word, not in the political sense.)
I attended The First Presbyterian Church in Hubbard, Ohio regularly from the time I was about six years old. In high school, I joined a youth group at a Pentecostal (evangelical) church. I was lucky enough to experience two very different denominations of Christianity. They gave me a good balance at the time.
When I stopped ignoring that fact that I'd been having feelings for girls for years, I stopped going to church. Presbyterians don't really shove anything down your throat other than love and respect for your neighbor, and for God. Pentecostals, on the other hand, are very quick to give you a reference list of things that are wrong: abortion, homosexuality, etc. Presbyterians spend a lot of time telling you what you CAN do to worship God: live a good life, volunteer, donate, be respectful, love. Pentecostals spend a lot of time telling you what you CANNOT do if you intend to worship God: no premarital sex, no homosexual feelings, no masturbation, etc, etc. Of course, I didn't realize the vast differences between the churches at the time. At the time, all I could think of was that I was gay, and being gay is wrong, and therefore, I'm not welcome at church. Any church.
As I've gotten older, and have become more open to learning about other religions and other faiths, church has become a completely different experience for me. I guess you could say I've become more spiritual than religious. This has allowed my church-going experience to change from obligation to privilege. When I go to church now, I'm flooded with emotion; my spirituality washes over me. Everything about church makes me feel something, and usually I spend the first half of the service with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This started happening after I'd been away from church for a long time, and went to the 1st Presbyterian Church of Hollywood for the first time on an Easter Sunday five years ago. Since then, church has always had this affect on me. Every time I'm in a church: for a wedding, for a baptism, for just a regular service. I'm consistently overwhelmed. I have had trouble explaining this. Was it simply nostalgia? Was I reminded of my life as a church-going kid? Or was it God, happy to have me back if only for an hour once a year?
Gina and I went to church on Easter this year, and I realized why I keep coming back to this faith that my intellectual mind tells me is so improbable. I realized why it's emotional for me. It's definitely part nostalgia, thinking about everything that Easter used to be: frilly dresses, white gloves, the Easter bunny, finding hidden Easter baskets, dyeing Easter eggs, going on Easter egg hunts. More likely, it's the memory of what it felt like to actually have a relationship with God. No matter how unhappy I was in school or home, I had a constant relationship with God, one where I trusted Him to steer me in the right direction, to keep me and my family safe. It's a very crude comparison to make, but it's like going back to an ex you know you're still in love with. It's an undeniable and familiar comfort, and it's overwhelming.
But above all of this, it's the recognition and remembrance that, at it's core, Christianity is a religion of love. There is nothing more important to the fundamental beliefs of a true Christian than love. This gets lost all too often in so many sects of Christianity, but this past Sunday, when I walked into that church, that's all I could feel was love. I didn't feel judged or exiled. Instead I felt welcomed and appreciated.
All of this led to a feeling of home that is sometimes hard to find in a city that never stops to let you breathe. And I think this is the purpose of all of the great religions, to give you a sense of love, a sense of self, a sense of perspective, and a sense of home.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Visiting
Today's one of those days at work where I feel like I should be called a firefighter and not a producer. I came in to an inbox full of fires that needed extinguishing, and that never makes me happy.
Last night, we dropped Gina's friend Lisa off at LAX so she could make her trek back to Cleveland. She's been our treehouse guest for the past four or five days. She's a librarian and she's cool, which is a rare find.
On her first day here, we naturally took her to Hollywood Boulevard to see the stars on the sidewalk and the hustle and bustle of Downtown Hollywood. This area used to be rather ghetto, but since they've put the Kodak Theater in there to house the Oscars (and now the Emmys, I'm hearing), it's sort of turned into a Times Square sort of place. Very touristy, very busy, still a little ghetto, but rather safe. Among the great history you see at the corner of Hollywood and Highland, there's also a lot of consumerism: Gap, Banana Republic, American Eagle, Sephora, etc.
As we passed the Gap, Lisa quietly asked, "Um, can we go in there?"
We went in and as soon as we entered, Lisa exclaimed, "Look, that mannequin is copying me!!"
Lisa was happy to know her fashion sense was the standard at the Hollywood Gap.
Last night, we dropped Gina's friend Lisa off at LAX so she could make her trek back to Cleveland. She's been our treehouse guest for the past four or five days. She's a librarian and she's cool, which is a rare find.
On her first day here, we naturally took her to Hollywood Boulevard to see the stars on the sidewalk and the hustle and bustle of Downtown Hollywood. This area used to be rather ghetto, but since they've put the Kodak Theater in there to house the Oscars (and now the Emmys, I'm hearing), it's sort of turned into a Times Square sort of place. Very touristy, very busy, still a little ghetto, but rather safe. Among the great history you see at the corner of Hollywood and Highland, there's also a lot of consumerism: Gap, Banana Republic, American Eagle, Sephora, etc.
As we passed the Gap, Lisa quietly asked, "Um, can we go in there?"
We went in and as soon as we entered, Lisa exclaimed, "Look, that mannequin is copying me!!"
Lisa was happy to know her fashion sense was the standard at the Hollywood Gap.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
One year later...
My friend Kim's son Kyle was born a year ago yesterday. Kyle's not just another friend's kid. I feel a strong connection with this boy because I witnessed him making his grand entrance onto the world's stage. I jumped at the chance to be in the delivery room when Kim asked. There were three of us in the delivery room cheering Kim on - Kim's husband Stewart, Kim's friend from college Lisa, and myself. I think to this day the three of us feel greatly responsible for coaching Kim through birth. Kyle was born a little after 3pm on a Sunday, right on time, with a wail and a shock of black hair:
This was definitely the coolest, most amazing experience of my life.
As kids tend to do, Kyle has grown. A lot. We celebrated his birthday this past weekend. I wish I could've snapped a good shot of his eyes, which are like little pools of oil, deep set in his fair, chubby little face.
He got a sandbox for his birthday. Here he is, workin' the shovel:
Happy Birthday, Kyle!! Now you can have peanut butter!
This was definitely the coolest, most amazing experience of my life.
As kids tend to do, Kyle has grown. A lot. We celebrated his birthday this past weekend. I wish I could've snapped a good shot of his eyes, which are like little pools of oil, deep set in his fair, chubby little face.
He got a sandbox for his birthday. Here he is, workin' the shovel:
Happy Birthday, Kyle!! Now you can have peanut butter!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Friday, April 07, 2006
Road trip #5,617 to the Bay Area.
Gina and I dated long distance... for a long time. It was lame. But during that time, we were lucky (?) enough to master the route from Los Angeles to San Francisco and back. Now, we're happy that we're both in the same city, and it's great that we don't have to make that trip anymore by ourselves, but really, we're over that road trip. Like... for real.
To spice things up a bit this past trip up there, we rented a car. Truthfully, we needed a bigger car to transport her parents, who were visiting the bay area from Ohio, back with us to Los Angeles. I did the responsible thing and rented a full sized car. When we got to Enterprise, the gentleman with the one-size-too-large-suit and tousled hair said, "You know, we're running low on this sized car... I can upgrade you cheaply, if you're interested."
Gina and I looked at each other. "Let's see what you got," I said.
We ended up renting THIS, for $31.00 a day (normally no less than $70 a day).
This picture doesn't fully tell you how big this Xterra is. It's huge. Gina and I are such SUV haters, but we sure didn't hesitate when we saw this little hush puppy sitting in the parking lot waiting for us. My car, a Chevy Cavalier, gets about 350 miles per tank, highway driving. This car gets the same. The difference: my Cavalier has a 13 gallon tank. The Xterra has an 18 gallon tank. We didn't care. The car had 2800 miles on it, it was bigger than almost everything else on the road, and it had a V6 ENGINE. We were in heaven. Mostly because I looked at Gina and could picture her driving a car like that with our kids in the back seat fighting. It made me happy.
Okay, on to the important part of the trip.
Giovanni was born a month ago on March 2, 2006. You can see his pictures from then on my March 8th post, which I would link for you but the post doesn't have a unique link, which is just one more reason I need to learn HTML and design my own freakin' page. Anyway, here is the perfect little boy... warning to any of you who have a baby and are thinking about having another one (you know who you are): this post alone might get you pregnant:
(Click on the photos to go to Flickr, where there are a few more.)
Giovanni's dad (Gina's brother) Frank lives in the bay area with his wife Karen. Also in town for this weekend was Gina's brother Brian. I got the three of them to stand next to each other as more crazy DNA evidence. Brian wouldn't smile, though... but if he had, you'd see he looks exactly like Gina:
On our last day there, we went to this incredible Farmer's Market that Frank and Karen used to take us to when I would visit. It's in Mountain View. They have samosas and cappuccino covered almonds. Can you ask for anything more? How about some big ass "organic" strawberries?
Or how about a cute girl to shove a whole one in her mouth?
I got both.
To spice things up a bit this past trip up there, we rented a car. Truthfully, we needed a bigger car to transport her parents, who were visiting the bay area from Ohio, back with us to Los Angeles. I did the responsible thing and rented a full sized car. When we got to Enterprise, the gentleman with the one-size-too-large-suit and tousled hair said, "You know, we're running low on this sized car... I can upgrade you cheaply, if you're interested."
Gina and I looked at each other. "Let's see what you got," I said.
We ended up renting THIS, for $31.00 a day (normally no less than $70 a day).
This picture doesn't fully tell you how big this Xterra is. It's huge. Gina and I are such SUV haters, but we sure didn't hesitate when we saw this little hush puppy sitting in the parking lot waiting for us. My car, a Chevy Cavalier, gets about 350 miles per tank, highway driving. This car gets the same. The difference: my Cavalier has a 13 gallon tank. The Xterra has an 18 gallon tank. We didn't care. The car had 2800 miles on it, it was bigger than almost everything else on the road, and it had a V6 ENGINE. We were in heaven. Mostly because I looked at Gina and could picture her driving a car like that with our kids in the back seat fighting. It made me happy.
Okay, on to the important part of the trip.
Giovanni was born a month ago on March 2, 2006. You can see his pictures from then on my March 8th post, which I would link for you but the post doesn't have a unique link, which is just one more reason I need to learn HTML and design my own freakin' page. Anyway, here is the perfect little boy... warning to any of you who have a baby and are thinking about having another one (you know who you are): this post alone might get you pregnant:
(Click on the photos to go to Flickr, where there are a few more.)
Giovanni's dad (Gina's brother) Frank lives in the bay area with his wife Karen. Also in town for this weekend was Gina's brother Brian. I got the three of them to stand next to each other as more crazy DNA evidence. Brian wouldn't smile, though... but if he had, you'd see he looks exactly like Gina:
On our last day there, we went to this incredible Farmer's Market that Frank and Karen used to take us to when I would visit. It's in Mountain View. They have samosas and cappuccino covered almonds. Can you ask for anything more? How about some big ass "organic" strawberries?
Or how about a cute girl to shove a whole one in her mouth?
I got both.
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