Adventures in Communications

Here now, for you, dear reader, is a chronicling of my adventures trying to get internet for my apartment.

Last week:

SBC says:
You need to order phone service. $10.69 a month for basic.
Wireless internet: $19.99 per month for one year
$79.99 charge for modem
$49.99 rebate
$50 Visa gift card

Woo hoo! This is going better than I thought. Better check with Gina to make sure we're cool with this.

Call back SBC this week.

SBC says:
No, you can't get the $50 Visa gift card unless you're switching over from another phone company. But everything else is the same. No, I'm sorry, we have no way of contacting Aleysha, who told you you could get that deal. No, I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do. You don't want to give us your money? Okay then, we don't care if we lose a customer.

Call Earthlink.

Earthlink says:
You need a phone line.

Call Comcast. Get phone line advertised in my cable bills for $10.00 per month. Comcast puts me through their 3rd party verification system. Fails. I call back. Fails. I call back. Fails. I call back. She puts me through to a live operator. The live operator says, okay, you have to call Comcast back and confirm. Call Comcast back, ask what will my service be, exactly? $17.64 a month. $17.64??? What happened to $10.00?! Oh, there are taxes and a LINE MAINTENANCE FEE. Sigh.

Call Earthlink.

Earthlink says:
Oh, we can't give you DSL, but how about dial-up? (Akin to saying, Oh, sorry, we're fresh out of CD players, but how about this cassette deck?)

Call SBC, again, just like Justine said I would do. I ask what the deals are, I say I'm a Comcast customer. Homeboy offers me the whole gift card package, but this time, I have to have the enhanced phone service, including long distance, CALLER ID, call waiting, etc. If I don't have that? Internet is $39.00 a month. I do not NEED long distance, caller ID or call waiting. I need a phone line to hook me up to an internet, and so that people can dial us from the entrance to our apartment and we can let them in. I say to the guy, "Your company is crazy, I've gotten three different offers from you this week alone..." He hangs up on me.

That's right. A salesperson. Hung up on me.

It's becoming crystal clear to me that there is no way around paying out the ass to have internet in our apartment, unless we want dial-up.

I call Comcast back, effectively laying my hands wrist up towards them, telling them to just give me the fucking cable internet. How much is it? $39.99 per month. That's the DISCOUNTED rate! They don't even OFFER DSL! How much is my cable, which Comcast also provides? $84.55 per month.

The kicker? I ordered a phone mainly for internet. And now? I don't need a phone for cable internet.

I hate it here.