Friday, September 03, 2004

Life in the South Bay

last night, we went to a benefit for an organization called SurfRider ( they help keep the beaches clean and pretty. the benefit was at sharkeez on the hermosa pier. can we pause for a moment and reflect on how many beautiful people live in the LA area? i think they were all there last night.

after a pitcher of beer for me and a pitcher of beer for my girl-friend (friend that's a girl), we headed a little north to manhattan beach to hang at her place for a spell. we then hit the sharkeez in manhattan beach to see more beautiful people and drink a little more beer. we didn't find the girl we were looking for, but we DID see the incredibly cute waitress who had been at the HB sharkeez helping to save the beach, now at the MB sharkeez continuing in her persistent quest to keep our beaches clean. we fell in love with her... and of course, she broke our hearts. it was a whirlwind romance.

Thursday, September 02, 2004


every day of my life, i learn more and more how fucking great it is to be here. oh sure, sometimes it sucks: sometimes the marrow of your soul is sucked dry by unknown forces and you can't remember smiling or laughing or even crying... feeling... and all you can do is sleep because "god has made sleep so it erases every thought"... but then there are other days. those days when the sun is doing what you want it to do and you're with someone you love... not in a i'm-in-love-with-you-and-am-sad-because-i-can't-fuck-you sort of way, but in a i'm-amazed-by-you-more-every-minute-and-am-blessed-to-have-you-as-a-friend sort of way... and you're with him, or her, and you're in a mustang convertible driving through the desert, listening to music really loud, music in the cd player and music you're making up as you go, lyrics that make no sense but make you laugh like you're five years old again... and you feel connected, loved, cherished, happy, needed. and you realize that your broken heart that you were forced to deal with only three months ago had a purpose, and had your heart not been broken, you wouldn't be in this mustang convertible with this beautiful girl and this beautiful guy, driving through the desert, making up music as you go. it wouldn't be this hot, the sun wouldn't be setting this minute, and your eyes wouldn't be welling up with tears at the thought of what could have been and what might yet come to be. and that's what it is. life. i mean, there it is, right? it's that sunset, those tears, that $200, that surfer girl with the long blonde hair, freckles, and suspicious confidence, that michigan guy with a heart as warm as a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie, that mustang, those sunflower seeds, that dancing queen, those leather seats, that cowboy hat, those silly songs, those shared memories, those snapshots of brilliance, that beautiful cocktail waitress, O'S, IP, and all the other things you say... that's it, right? despite the things that happen to me, despite their seemingly ficticious beginnings or similarities, my life is not a movie. i see it often from behind the lens... a wide shot of a girl in a bar, making people laugh, a cute girl hugging her... but it's here, i'm living it. it gets crazy, but it's never scripted, and my expectations will continually fade into a realm with which i'll never be familiar. it's freeing... it will open me to a world i've been living in but haven't believed. it will make me sit with my heartache just as i revel in my happiness. i'm ready for the rest of it.